The Otherness Discovery
by urban countrygirl
Summary: A TV documentation and an online test turn Sheldon's life upside down in a few minutes. Connected to "the Offspring Undertaking".


**I know it often has been said that Sheldon is not autistic, he doesn't have Asperger's, but I cannot help to recognize him in my husband's behavior (who is very, very probable an Asperger's autist, although he doesn't want to get it officially diagnosed because he thinks it's unnecessary) and vice versa all the time. Honestly, I think the only reason why Sheldon has never gotten a diagnose of Asperger's is some political or legal issues. But in fanfiction we are free to write what we want, aren't we? So I decided to use some of my experiences that I have made with my husband as inspiration to a new series of short stories. I hope you'll enjoy it! For me, it will probably be some kind of therapy, LOL!**

"Walter loves ships and boats. When he's spending the holidays with his wife Barbara at the coast, he loves standing at the window of the hotel room, watching the ocean. When a ship arrives at the horizon, Walter takes his expensive reflex camera with the large telephoto lens, only bought for this purpose, and photographs the ship. When it's gone, he opens a website on his computer, where he can retrace the route of the ship, learning its name and more technical details about it. Barbara has grown used to her husband's awkward behavior, but she still is slightly annoyed when after returning home, 270 of 300 holiday pictures show nothing else than blurred ships and boats*."

"Wow, I feel a little bit sorry for Barbara", Amy commented the TV documentation they just had switched in, taking a side glance to her boyfriend sitting next to her on the couch.

"Why? I think it's a wonderful idea! I mean, there are no trains running on the surface of the ocean, so I think it's very reasonable to watch ships instead!"

"Why doesn't that surprise me at all?", Amy muttered a little bit resigned, resting her head on Sheldon's shoulder.

"Because you know me inside out and I love that about you", Sheldon responded, placing a small kiss on the top of her head and putting an arm around Amy's shoulder.

The continued watching the TV documentation. Now a Professor Dr. Miller, for more than 20 years being an expert on Asperger's autism, was introduced. Minutes went by and Amy made some comments here and there, but Sheldon had grown silent and just answered her with "hhmm" and "mmhh".

Eventually he shifted, drew his arm away and stood up from the couch. "Excuse me for a moment, please." He went to the bedroom and closed the door behind him.

Amy was sure he just wanted to go to the bathroom, but when he hadn't returned after half an hour, she got worried and went to look after him in the bedroom.  
What she saw there, gave her a sting to the heart: Sheldon was lying crawled up in his bed, he had drawn the comforter over his whole body, only his nose was peeking out. Amy knew, that meant bad news.

"Sheldon?"

He didn't answer.

"Sheldon, baby, what's wrong?"

He still didn't answer, but a hand came out of the comforter reaching for the smartphone that was lying on the bedside table. "Look at the browser!"

Amy didn't ask further, she just took the phone, entered the pin and started the browser where she found an open tab.

 ** _Asperger's autist self-test evaluation_**

 _Thank you very much for having completed our online test_ _ **.**_

 _Your result is 98 of 100 points. With a very high probability you are an Asperger's autist. Notice that an official diagnose can only be given by a medical doctor. Please contact a specialist for more information._

Amy looked on the phone, confused, then back to Sheldon, who was still hiding from the world. "What does that mean?"

"What it means? Can't you see? If this online test is right, I'm ill, Amy, not… normal… disturbed in my development… _disabled_." The last word was only a whisper, mingled with the hint of a sob.

Was that news to him? Amy was irritated. "But Sheldon… you always knew you're special, don't you?" Her voice had become quiet, too.

He drew the comforter away from his head. "Yeah, special, but that's different than autistic!" Tears were brimming in his eyes. "Until some minutes ago I had no idea, until we started watching that documentation I didn't know..." He sniffed and buried his face into the pillow.

"I don't know what to say..." Amy was at a loss. She had always anticipated that Sheldon with his huge knowledge of everything knew the Asperger's syndrome and that he probably was affected by it, too. Carefully she reached out her hand and caressed his shoulder under the comforter softly. "Did you never think of being autistic? I mean, to me, it was always a possibility…"

Slowly, Sheldon turned his head and looked at her with a slight surprise. "You thought of me being possibly autistic? Why didn't you say anything?"

"It wasn't worth addressing to me. You are who you are and I love you exactly that way. Do you remember I told you the same thing some time ago, when you were lying here in bed, sad because of your emotion reading issues?" She looked at him tenderly.

Sheldon had turned on his back and was staring at the ceiling now. "But… how is it possible you knew this and I didn't? I live with… all this… all my life and you know me only for seven years!"

Amy shrugged her shoulders and smiled. "Many Asperger's autists do not recognize themselves as "ill". And furthermore, I'm a neuroscientist, don't forget that. I'm reading magazines about these kinds of things for many years, you know?"

"So… you don't mind at all?" He was staring at her with big eyes.

"No."

"Really?"

"No!"

"But, what if I will pass this disposition to our future kids?" He looked worried again.

"Then I will love them as much as I love you. And we will find a way to handle it." Amy took his hand. "But honestly, I don't think we have to worry about this now."

"Good." He smiled slightly. "I guess I'm just a little bit overwhelmed..."

There was a little pause when Amy just held Sheldon's hand, caressing it slightly with her thumb, everyone deeply in their thoughts.

"Do you think I should follow the instructions on that website and make an appointment at a doctor's to get an official diagnose?", Sheldon interrupted the silence after a while.

"I cannot make this decision for you. I can only tell you that it won't make a difference for me if you get this diagnose or not. For me, you will always stay the same Sheldon."

"But I love making doctor's appointments and getting diagnosed!" Sheldon seemed a little bit excited now.

Amy smiled. "Then do it!"

"Ok, I'll do it!"

A pause again.

"Amy?"

"Hm?"

"Can you come inside the bed and hug me?"

Two weeks later Amy climbed up the steps to their apartment nervously. Today Sheldon had had his doctor's appointment and she hadn't heard anything from him, yet. She just hoped the diagnose hadn't agitated him too much.

Cautiously, she opened the door and then stood still in confusion. All books from their bookshelves were lying on the floor, there were pieces of paper scribbled full of notes everywhere, the contents of the fridge were standing on the counter in the kitchen - it was a mess!

"Sheldon, what are you doing?"

"Amy, oh good, you're here! Well, I am celebrating my official diagnose for being an Asperger's autist with a little party!"

"So, the diagnose was positive and you liked it?" Amy was surprised. Not about the diagnose, but about Sheldon's reaction to it.

"Exactly!" He seemed really happy.

Amy decided to not inquire further for the moment. "So, tell me about your party. What do you have in mind?"

"The party's here! Can't you see? I'm reorganizing all our apartment. You know, I want to show people I'm different. All the years I've been trying to assimilate myself, making compromises. I don't need to do this anymore, I have an official diagnose – look here:" he went to the book shelf. "I want to rearrange our books. In the living room, we'll have the nonfictional literature, in the bedroom the fictional. Then every shelf will have its own theme, for example fantasy, scifi, romance, detective stories, and there will be subsections, for example for high fantasy, low fantasy, contemporary fantasy, dark fantasy (although I only would need that category for that horrible "Twilight" book that Raj gave me for my birthday), and then – "

"Ok, I think I get it!"

"Yes, but then it will be arranged by author, and after that I'm not sure if I will order it alphabetical by book titles or better by date of publication…"

"Mmmh…" Amy had gone to the bedroom.

Sheldon was following her close behind. "Oh, the closet. There are three dimensions we can use to bring order to the chaos: x,y and z. I will start from the end. The z-axis is for the seasons. Current seasons in the front, not current seasons in the back. The x-axis is for the occasion: classy in the very left, causal in the very right, steady decline of elegance. The y-axis is for the colours. We start with red at the bottom and then we follow the rainbow (oh I love rainbows!) until we finish with purple."

He tipped on the front door of the closet. "I'll hang a plan here to make it easier for you to follow the rules."

Then he took her hand and dragged her to the kitchen. "You have to see our new organized fridge!"

He opened its door and showed Amy that he had marked areas with white tape for every kind of food and put a label on it. "We'll never have to search for the butter again", he exclaimed proudly, "but most importantly every piece of food will get the perfect temperature now. Isn't that just fantastic?"

Not necessarily my definition of fantastic, Amy thought. But then she saw the gleaming joy in Sheldon's eyes and she recognized that she had never seen him that relaxed and free. A huge burden had fallen from him. He knew now officially that he wasn't "normal", and that meant he didn't have to try anymore. All the mockering and bickering from their friends lost their impact (yes, they always had had a deep impact on him, she knew that, but he didn't want to show them) and vanished into the air. Finally, he had found the reason for being different and he did not only accept it, no, it made him really proud to be that special.

Amy smiled at him broadly with a deep and sincere love in her heart. " _You_ are fantastic, Sheldon, you really are."

 *** Well, our real names aren't Walter and Barbara, but the rest of the documentation is a true story of my husbands and my life. He also likes to draw maps of ships engine rooms, by the way, and we have boat magazines in almost every room of our house.  
The rest of the story is also inspired very much of my husband's discovery of him being autistic. Until he saw a TV documentation (where they recommended an online test) he had never heard of the Asperger's syndrome. The "diagnose" he has made for himself helps him very much to recognize some issues he has and has set a basis for us to talk about things he needs help with.**

 **Did you like this story? Would you like to read more about the whole issue? Looking forward to your comments!**


End file.
